It's been a year since I had to say goodbye to Abby, one of the saddest days of my life. She was amazing and I miss her every day. After she died and I went to bed, I felt a presence at my feet..it was definitely Abby, telling me she was still there in a way. I was always amazed at how she loved EVERYONE, how calm she would be going into an unfamiliar place. She loved Greenies and would expect them as soon as I came home from work haha. I loved her "mmmgh!" when she was surprised. Once she licked my tears away when crying. We were definitely soulmates. I hope she's not mad I adopted Curti haha (she definitely did NOT like other cats). I'll have a vanilla bean frappuccino later in memory of her! <3

I went to the dentist earlier..he looked at the extraction site and saw a tiny clot, but not much else, so it seemed to be a partial dry socket. After I got the tooth pulled, I left the gauze on too long, and pulled part of the clot out with the gauze. Yikes, I won't do that again! On Saturday it was so painful I broke out in a sweat, and eating cold things was SUPER painful. At the dentist, he put some kind of medicated strip thing in the extraction site..it was SO painful when he was squishing it in there. D: Thankfully, it has helped A LOT and it'll stay there about a week. I hope it heals quickly now. I'm exhausted after being in pain for so long! No more extractions, please D:

( 2. What is your favorite color, and why? )

Mendenhall Glacier in Juneau has officially receded from Mendenhall Lake

So sad!! Poor glacier. :( I know it's part of the earth's natural cycle (we're coming out of an ice age still), but it's still sad. I'm glad I was able to see it before it receded. Here's a picture from 2019:

That was fun! I'm glad there are still some advancing glaciers like Meares..I'll probably cry if I hear that one starts retreating!

Speaking of crying..for the apartment complex I live in, I have to do a "recertification," where I have to tell them my income and stuff like that (it's online now, yay!). I noticed it still had Abby as my pet, so with a heavy heart I pressed delete, and a box came up that said something like "do you want to delete your pet Abby from the form?" OMG. 😿😿 They definitely need to reword that, ouch!! I felt like I had been punched, my grief reawakened, and cried after I went to bed. So painful! I will always miss her, she was amazing <3

The snow is here, but by Friday it's supposed to get to -19. D: Alaska's weather seems to enjoy being extreme LOL

( 2. Did you ever have an imaginary friend? )

Awww yay, now Abby's pawprints will be with me forever! <3 When I got into bed last night, I thought I heard Abby meow in an annoyed way, like "don't disturb me!" Yep, her spirit is definitely still with me lol (those are my new glasses too! They kinda distort the world in a weird way O_o)

Here's a pic closer up:

I was glad the artist wanted to get details of things like her hair so he could make sure she was properly honored for me. Nice!

Grieving is very hard though..I'm tired and still recovering from the trauma of the weekend (high anxiety, for one). Prozac is probably a huge reason why I can get out of bed and go to work (work helps a LOT, it would be worse with nothing to do all day!). Hopefully it'll eventually get easier, though I will miss her forever, I'm sure. An amazing kitty <3

( 5. How do you relieve stress? )

Today dad told me Abby was dragging her back legs down the stairs, she still didn't really want to eat, and she just looked SO uncomfortable laying on the couch, so I knew it was time to let her go. I just can't watch suffering like that. I called the vet and she said to come on over..she said Abby might have gotten a blot clot that paralyzed her back legs, and there's nothing you can do when that happens besides letting her go. Abby didn't even growl at Glitter this time, though she was growling at everything else lol. She gave Abby a sedative to calm her down, while mom and I were petting her. As she was giving Abby the medicine to put her to sleep, I told Abby what a great cat she was and I was SO happy she chose me at the shelter that day in 2009 (she purred all the way home!) and that I'd see her in heaven someday. I wish I could have said more, but I was crying too much (and the medicine works super fast). The vet said I'd get her ashes back in a few days, and an impression of her pawprints, which I plan to get as a tattoo in her memory. Glitter knew something was wrong, and let me hold her while she sniffed Abby, and pawed at mom's leg when we were leaving, awww. There aren't enough words to describe how amazing Abby was. The day I adopted her, she put her paw through the cage, as if saying "hurry up and take me home!" She loved everyone..a complete stranger could sit down and Abby would be in their lap in two seconds haha. All you had to do was walk in a room she was in and she would start purring. One day I was crying in bed and she licked my tears away. I loved her little white paws. I am SO grateful we had so much time together, and don't regret a thing, even if this part is heartbreaking. I'm just glad she's not suffering anymore. I will NEVER forget her. I might get another cat eventually, it's just not the same without one! In her honor, I'm going to post a couple of pics from each year I had her. My cartoonist friend sent me this picture on Facebook:

Yesss!!

My aunts called mom after they heard and Gina, who has a very powerful connection to the supernatural/afterlife, told me she had an image of Abby standing next to my legs, looking up at me and thanking me. Awwww! It'll be cool when Abby visits me in my dreams, like my other pets do. I'm glad she's still watching over me <3

( abby through the years )

March 2: What's your personal creed? Try to be positive and caring towards everyone, even in hard times. Enjoy things, you're never too old to have fun! Be surrounded by books haha

1. Would you rather have a fun job that doesn't pay well or a boring job that does? A fun job..my job doesn't pay super high, but I'm not doing it for the money (though it is nice lol). Except for counting change, I love pretty much everything I do. It's not worth getting paid a lot but being miserable at a place I hate
2. Would you sacrifice your morals for a job? No. A customer wanted me to lie yesterday (he hid the person he was with's books and told me to tell him someone already bought them), but when he came to the register and was like "where are my books??" I looked at the other guy and said "you'll have to ask him!" Yeahh I'm a terrible liar and I just can't do that :P
3. Would you ever take a job that requires you to be in costume? Maybe if it's just for things like Halloween or something
4. What is your fantasy job? I really like working at the bookstore I'm at..it's fun, everyone supports each other and are so friendly..we're pretty much a family. Plus you never know what book will come in next, and I love that! It's like Christmas every day haha
5. Would you like fries with that? Sureee haha

I had a big scare with Abby this week..she was sneezing, hardly eating anything (when I tried giving her a Greenie, she'd try to chew it and spit it out), barely moving from the bed (and walking slowly and shakily when she did move), and just had this miserable look in her eyes..I could tell she wasn't feeling well at all. She had become super bony too. I was hoping she'd get better on her own, but I knew I had to call the vet when she wasn't getting better. I can't watch slow suffering like that, it's awful. I was very upset last night, shedding some tears and gently petting Abby. I thought for sure that this was the end, and that today I'd have to put her to sleep. I took off work and got an appointment at the vet. Both my parents came over to love on Abby, in case it was her last few hours alive. After I called Vicki, I put my head on Abby's and cried. I took her to the vet, and she lost her mind when she saw the clinic's cat, Glitter (who is super friendly and loving). She was growling and hissing all over the place. The vet said they'd do bloodwork, but the technician was at another clinic and she'd be in in an hour, and I think the bloodwork takes 45 minutes, so we left Abby there and went home, going crazy with anxiety. A couple hours later, the vet called and said Abby has hyperthyroidism (she had lost two pounds, which was probably from that. She said surgery can remove the benign tumor that's there, but Abby's far too old) and now stage 3 kidney failure. She gave Abby subcutaneous fluids and a couple meds (one to stimulate her appetite and I think the other one was anti-nausea meds). She got a dropper thing with food and squirted it in Abby's mouth, then gave her a bowl of food, which she devoured. She said that had Abby still not wanted to eat, then we probably would have had to put her to sleep. She ate right before we left too, yay! We all thought this was going to be a far different outcome, and we were all relieved. She ate when she got back home too, yay! No one is sure how long she has left, but hopefully the meds and special food will help her be comfortable. She seemed somewhat better when she got back home, less haunted looking, and is taking a well-deserved nap. I will cherish every day I still have with her, she's an amazing kitty. <3 I'm absolutely drained and had to take a Clonazepam so I'd stop freaking out lol. I'm so glad I get more time with her. I'm working tomorrow since I took today off, and since Vicki's sick. Saturday is usually pretty busy, so the day usually goes by fast lol

A couple days ago was my 7-year anniversary of going to Cherry's grave, which Facebook reminded me of (I knew it was coming up though, of course), so I reposted it and said "That was 7 years ago?!? Where does the time go? Definitely one of the best days of my life, I felt butterflies all the way to my toes when I saw the first sign for Wheathampstead. ❤" The next morning, I got this message from Cherry's uncle, Hugh: "Hi Heather, your "That was 7 years ago" post really touched me. It is lovely that getting close to Cherry meant so much to you. I know you are based a long way from here, but if and when you next find yourself in eastern England, do get in touch. I would love to show you what I have of Cherry's library and watercolours - we also live very close to Oates's village and would happily take you there"

OMG NO WAY?!?? Oh my goodness, that is SO nice of him, and glad he's not creeped out by my admiration of Cherry lol. I'm sure Hugh is in his 70s or 80s, so I'd have to see him sooner rather than later. That would be amazing, sitting together over tea or whatever, talking about Cherry, looking at his collection..wow. I'd like to ask him if there's any recording of his voice, I've been dying to hear it all these years. That was definitely a nice thing to wake up to <3

( feb 22-28 )

Happy New Year! Yesterday my parents and I watched the ball drop, and the London fireworks, which is one of the COOLEST things I've ever seen! It was so intricate and I'd never seen fireworks do some of those things before, like spiraling around the London Eye! That must have taken a LOT of planning. Then mom and I watched the new Endurance documentary (very good! Even on the bottom of the ocean, the ship still looks proud <3). When it turned midnight, I held Abby and said "you're 20 this year!! You're such a good kitty!" hehe

Today we finally had Christmas with Ryan and Jo, who both wore masks and gloves..surely we're not contagious by now?? I got a Celtic knot bookmark and a giftcard to Barnes and Noble from Ryan and Jo, and from mom some fleece jackets, pants, glacier soap, a little kit with scissors and stuff to go in my new desk, cat sticky notes and a back scratcher mom said I can also use to get things down from places I can't reach haha. Dad got everyone cool fancy hand painted dishware from Poland! I got Ryan a butter dish in the shape of a coffin with a skull on it, which he LOVED. He'd probably be happy if Halloween lasted all year :P

( i still need to find a meme, but here's a book survey! )

I realized I'd never taken a video of Abby trilling, so here's one!

She's very talkative and trills all the time haha..so cute! (Unless I'm trying to sleep. :P) When mom saw her in my lap earlier she said "aw, mother and kitty!" Haha nice :P

Yesterday at work I did over $800 all on my own (it would have been over $1000 if there hadn't been discounts and fees and stuff). It was tiring but awesome and satisfying lol

( dec 7-8 )

I decorated my bed for Thanksgiving/fall! (Even if it is more like winter in Fairbanks lol)

How fun, though it hurt my arms trying to reach that high haha. It's hard to tell but on top there are turkeys, a squirrel, fall leaves, etc. Next is Christmas..I haven't decorated it "Christmasy" before, but it'll be a cool place to put ornaments I haven't gotten around to putting up yet lol (I have a tiny Christmas tree, but my bed is cooler :P). So fun :D

Some leaves fell on Abby!

She didn't seem too bothered LOL (I remember soon after adopting her I put a stuffed fox on her, but she didn't care then either :P)

We're supposed to get 4-6 inches of snow tonight/tomorrow..yaaay :P (at least it's warmer, in the 20s!)

( nov 23-24 )

I don't *think* I've take a picture of Fairbanks lit up, when flying in, so here's one!

Oh yay! As I was getting off the plane, one of the cleaners said "hey you!" I looked at her and she said "see you at the [book]store!" Aw cool, I didn't know she worked at the airport! Fairbanks is kind of like a family in the middle of Alaska, which is cool lol. I watched The Meg 2 on the way home, which was completely ridiculous, but entertaining haha. Abby was definitely happy to see me <3

Mom also got a text from Joelle saying that grandma had ordered lunch HERSELF, and ate most of it! She had gone to the bathroom earlier in the day..I guess she felt better after that?? She looked very proud in the picture Joelle took haha. I hope she continues to improve! The smoke smell in Julie's house was even worse this trip, maybe because the fans and AC were on. I opened my bag and was grossed out by how smoky it smelled..it can't be good to breathe that in! D:

( pokemon update )

2. Is ‘Be Yourself’ Bad Advice? If you're a murderer or something like that lol

On Sunday, I was really short of breath, even just from walking across the room. I tried taking a shower..BIG mistake. I could hardly breathe at all, and the edges of my vision were kind of going black. I somehow got dressed again and then went back downstairs to mom, where I was completely freaking out (which didn't help breathing either lol) and mom rushed me to the ER. They were pretty quick seeing me this time..when they put that oxygen clip thing on my finger, it was 91! They did a breathing treatment, which brought my oxygen up a little, but it didn't do much else. They tested me again for covid and flu (still negative) and did another chest x-ray, which definitely looked worse. The doctor talked to another doctor and asked if I needed to be admitted, but since I'm otherwise healthy, my oxygen stayed kind of steady (though still kind of low), and my lab work looked good, they gave me an inhaler and an oxygen monitor I could take home..they said if my oxygen got to around 88, I should go back to the ER. That was pretty terrifying though, I thought I was dying! I was definitely reading the appropriate book though:

Les Miserables! Probably the longest book I've ever read. It didn't NEED to be that long, but I think Victor Hugo challenged himself to write the longest book possible, with whole chapters not even related to the plot. It'll definitely be an accomplishment when I finish it!

Since then, I've felt a little better each day (I took my last antibiotic today). I've been way too tired to write here! My breathing is a lot better today..I can probably take a shower now without feeling like I'm dying haha. It's hard to stay positive when you've been sick for so long and not able to do much..I'm hoping by next week I can go back to work again, even for a couple hours. Pneumonia is definitely one of the worst sicknesses I've had..it's exhausting and I never want it again!! Abby's been a good nurse!

So cuddly!

Awwww <3

Aunt Gina had to put her cat to sleep this week. :( She video called mom and Julie and Cindy, and I had to come over when I heard sobbing. I think her cat got a blood clot in his leg, which collapsed and he was meowing in pain. She took him to the vet and they said he was too old to have his leg removed, so all they could do was put him to sleep. It was HARD watching that, but everyone was there for her (Joelle came on too). It was so sad seeing her hold her cat in his last moments, omg. :( Losing a pet is always hard, especially when it's sudden like that. I'm glad everyone was able to be there for her, it would have been awful to do something like that alone :(

( may 25-30 )