On Sunday, I flew to Kansas City..I watched Bohemian Rhapsody on the second flight, and got Queen songs stuck in my head all day haha. Cindy and mom picked me up, and I *think* we hung out at Julie's house before getting our hotel room (there would be WAY too many people at Julie's house if everyone stayed there). I also got informed on this MASSIVE drama going on between Gina, Julie and Joelle. It seems that Gina has built up resentment and hurt over the years and is choosing now to air it. There was a long Facetime discussion where Gina was just nasty and had Joelle in tears more than once, and Julie said she had been punched in the gut. Ugh, how awful. I went to bed later and slept HARD, I was so tired!!

The next day mom and the others went to the cemetery to pick out a spot in the mausoleum for grandma..I was far too tired to wake up early enough for that, but I did go to the meeting at the funeral home (what kind of casket we wanted, flowers, etc. The funeral is on Friday), which took forever, and then went to a restaurant because we were all hungry after that haha. When we told the hostess we had seven people in our party, she said "uh..ok..let me see if there's a waiter who'd be willing to serve you." Wha..what?? We were all stunned because we'd never had anyone say that to us before! I think covid killed good customer service. D: Mom and I had to change hotel rooms because there were too many things wrong with it, and went to bed

These last couple days we've been cleaning out grandma's room at the retirement home she lived in, going through pictures and stuff to see who wants to keep them, and trying to manage Gina's drama!! She sent REALLY nasty messages yesterday, saying she couldn't trust "the family" anymore and interpreted Joelle returning something to her as a "sign" she wasn't wanted in the family anymore (Joelle hadn't known it was a gift and she texted Gina saying so, but Gina wouldn't listen to her). She said she would not be going to grandma's funeral and was basically estranging herself from the family. Everyone was hurt and very confused. It's hard to focus to work on grandma's place when getting messages like that! Cindy actually called Gina later to ask if she wanted anything from grandma's place, and also started talking about the drama. She said she hadn't slept and felt better after a day (she works nights) of sleep, but still felt hurt. Me and mom and Cindy all told her we really wanted to see her, and maybe have a healing conversation with Julie and Joelle?? We told her she could stay at the hotel with us. We said she'd feel guilty the rest of her life if she didn't come! She thought about it and then said she'd at least try to make it to the funeral. We're not sure if she really will, but I guess we'll see on Friday (for a minute there I wasn't sure if being here with drama or being stuck in the crazy ice/snow storm in Fairbanks was preferable haha). Cousin Jordan arrived yesterday, who I hadn't seen since his wedding in 2020! It's so weird seeing him grown up haha

Today was thankfully drama-free, so I'm not too drained to write here tonight haha. I *definitely* left Fairbanks at the right time, the ice/snow storm sounded CRAZY..many inches of snow, icy roads, wind, downed power lines, etc. Work was closed for a couple days..wow. I hope things aren't too bad when I fly back on Sunday! Today cousin Jessalyn arrived, who I also hadn't seen in person since 2020. We went through a lot of pictures and mementos and stuff..grandma was so gorgeous when she was younger! We might be doing the same thing tomorrow, and making last-minutes preparations for the funeral. Hopefully it'll stay drama-free!

( a few pics )

20. Would You Like to Live in Another Country? It would be interesting, it was hard enough just moving to another state though. Maybe one like Iceland though..

21. What’s the Coolest Thing You’ve Ever Seen in a Museum? The penguin eggs Cherry brought back from Antarctica, a stagecoach, artifacts from the Erebus and Terror, etc

22. Are You a Good Listener? I definitely try to be!

23. Do We Still Need Libraries? Sure, not everyone can afford to buy books. A building full of books is cool anyway :P (the New York Public Library was pretty cool, super fancy!)

On Monday, mom and I got to Topeka. Amazingly, it was sunny in Seattle! Mt. Rainier looked epic, and the mist among the valleys looked so cool! My window was too iced up to take pictures though. Cindy picked us up..we were tired after flying all night and morning, but we went to grandma's right away (if we had sat down at Julie's, we wouldn't have wanted to get back up again!). It felt like a furnace when I got out of the car..I had forgotten what 100 degrees feels like!! D: Grandma was sitting up in bed watching the news (she likes Fox News..ugh), and was happy to see us! Her voice is very raspy, but she can talk, and she was eating and joking around with everyone. The previous day, she could barely speak and couldn't get her hand all the way to her mouth to eat, probably why Julie or Cindy called us. We were worried we wouldn't be able to see her in time, and there she was joking around with us! I imagined everyone sitting around her bed watching her last breaths, but nope! How does she DO that?! Seeing relatives helps I'm sure! Eventually we went back to Julie's and went to bed (since Aunt Gina is a night nurse anyway, she stays overnight with grandma)

We've spent a lot of time with grandma these past few days..she even got out of bed and sat in her chair! (Since she can't stand on her own, there's a lift thing with a net that "carries" her where she wants to go.) It's weird though..she can be totally lucid, take a nap and then just..barely be responsive and just stare into space. She won't tell you if she's hungry or thirsty or anything, you have to ask her, and even then may not respond for a minute. I worry we're annoying her, because we're constantly fussing over her (she needs help with everything, like cutting up her food). I keep wondering if she's having mini-strokes. Today when we got there she was happy, ate some food, took a nap, then did her "vacant stare" when she woke up. It's frustrating and really hard to see..we're spending all this time with her and she barely notices. :( I get "cabin fevery" sitting there for hours (I bring my laptop and food and stuff, but it's not quite the same as doing those things at home. Today we were watching hours of memorable performances from America's Got Talent, which was fun, but the TV is SO loud because grandma is somewhat hard of hearing and I was just..going stir crazy. I know we came for grandma, but I'd like to other things too, even just to get a bite to eat or something. I mentioned Olive Garden and mom was like "no, we came for grandma!" and I groaned and put my head in my hands, starting to panic. Cindy could tell I was getting overstimulated and asked if I wanted to leave, which I said yes to, so mom went to the bathroom before we left, and in that time just started crying..ugh, so embarrassing! Mom hugged me and I apologized (I KNOW it's part of autism to involuntarily melt down when overstimulated, but I still feel guilty). She said it was ok and to just tell her "limit" next time, and she'll understand when I need to leave. The silence of Julie's house was very nice after that! Mom said we can go to Olive Garden tomorrow, and anyone else who wants to join us (I wish we could all go, but someone has to stay with grandma). It was pretty hot today too, in the 90s (ugh), but it's supposed to "cool" down into the 80s this weekend. Uncle Dean arrived with Blanca tonight too, after that SUPER exciting drive from Santa Fe LOL (the forgotten corner of Oklahoma is especially exciting O_o). He brought games, so that should help with being less bored too lol

If grandma stays the way she is, mom and Ryan and I will fly back to Fairbanks on Sunday..she has an appointment on Tuesday I think, and I should go back to work (next time I say my grandma is going to die, no one will believe me! It'll be like the boy who cried wolf D:). I'm not sure how long everyone else is staying, but mom had already planned to come to Kansas in September, so she won't be gone too long. I just hope grandma doesn't get bad again after we leave. I hope we can catch grandma in lucid moments again, but we never know what she'll be like, even from hour to hour. I'm glad she's not alone though. Guess we'll see what she's like tomorrow lol

( a couple pics! )

26. Do You Write in Cursive? Only when signing my name, which is more like a squiggly line than anything legible LOL

27. What Are Your Earliest Memories of Music? Dancing to music in the living room when little

28. What Would You Grab in a Fire? Abby, my backpack, pictures, etc

29. Do You Have Any Tattoos? If Not, Would You Ever Consider Getting a Tattoo? Yes, I have four

On Monday after midnight, mom and I started the journey to Kansas..ugh, redeyes are exhausting haha. On the second flight, when I started watching Thor: Love and Thunder, I 100% did NOT expect to hear "Only Time" by Enya! I LOVE that song, so I was pleased and surprised haha. We got a rental car after we landed, got food at Sonic so we could stay awake, then drove to Julie's house. Unfortunately, Aunt Cindy's dog Blanca has been very sick (she threw up blood D:), and since grandma's been doing well, she's not going to come until Blanca is stable. I'm sad I don't get to see her, but I'd do the same if Abby was sick. We briefly stopped at Julie's house and then went to see grandma (we were exhausted, but we couldn't get comfortable or we wouldn't want to get up again!). When we got to her room, Julie, Joelle and Gina were already there..everyone was happy to see us! Grandma taking my hands and thanking me for coming was definitely worth the exhaustion! We think she got sepsis from picking at her skin (she has some kind of skin condition, and she is convinced there are worms in her skin for some reason O_o), and even though she literally almost DIED, she was still picking at her skin, which frustrated everybody. I understand somewhat because I've been picking at my skin for 30+ years..it's HARD to stop, but I think I'd be cured if I almost died O_o

Aunt Gina is very into metaphysics/Reiki/paranormal things, so she was talking to us about chakras and auras and stuff like that. She was surprised I couldn't see people's auras/energy, but I can definitely feel them! It just..soaks into my skin when people are upset or angry. I asked her if animals could feel them, because animals like dogs who don't normally go to strangers come to both mom and I, and she said yes. Interesting. She also has these tuning fork things that are supposed to be healing or something, and my face twitched when she put the fork next to my face haha. We stayed until visiting hours were over, then went back to Julie's house, where we were finally able to go to bed. I had to take Clonazepam because traveling is overstimulating, but after that, I didn't wake up until 10:30!

I definitely felt pretty wrecked when I woke up yesterday..traveling from Alaska is exhausting! Ryan arrived yesterday, and everyone was definitely happy to see him when we went to the hospital. Gina did the tuning fork thing on Ryan, and he said it gave him images of Sedona. Grandma was able to eat more, which was a good sign. We again stayed until visiting hours were over, then went back home. I went to sleep kinda quickly, woke up once during the night, and slept until 9 something! If only I slept like that at my apartment haha

This morning Gina was showing me and Ryan these paranormal apps, where it picks up spirits talking to you (one was Necrometer). I wasn't sure if those were even real, but Ryan was making a parfait, and one voice said "parfait?" O_o I about died when I heard "we are here!" OMG. Gina told the spirits our names, and the spirit came back with his name. That was..quite interesting. *shivers* Gina went to see grandma and mom took a shower, and when we got on the road, we got a text saying she was going to be discharged to a medical rehab type place! Considering how sick she was, that is so awesome! We visited for a few minutes at the hospital, and left when they were preparing to move her to the other place. Mom and Ryan and I went to Wal-Mart to get groceries, dropped them off at Julie's, then went to the assisted living place to get some of grandma's things. That assisted living place isn't as fancy as the previous one, but it's still pretty nice (I was excited to see the curtains LOL). Grandma loves the food there too. While there, I left notes all around her apartment, like "welcome home! You are strong!" under her pillow, "it's cold in here!" in her fridge, "walk like an Egyptian" on her walker, etc. She's going to love that when she gets back home hehe. When we checked in at the rehab place, I was surprised there weren't any curtains at the entrance lol. Grandma's bed looked way more comfortable than the hospital bed! She looked great too. After dropping off her stuff and walking back to the entrance, I suddenly saw a whole bunch of curtains there! How did I miss them before?! Weird haha. After that we went to Olive Garden (breadsticks and five cheese ziti...*drools*) and then went back to Julie's. It's nice to relax now!

( pics so far! )

13. How Careful Are You Online? I try to be careful, sometimes I probably slip up though..

14. Have You Ever Reinvented Yourself? Sure, especially when I first got into metal music and when I moved to Alaska

15. Which Is More Important: Talent or Hard Work? Both, they go together lol

We made it to Kansas yesterday! The mountains were cool leaving Santa Fe, which eventually turned into fields..lots and lots of fields. a lot of the little towns we passed through were so depressing..so many things boarded up and deserted and sad looking. Probably the only things keeping them alive are cows and/or grain production. Part of the drive crosses into Oklahoma, so mom and I got our first Oklahoma geocache, yay! In the early afternoon we saw clouds building up, and watched them for hours..one cloud on the right anviled out, which was interesting. Eventually, around 7 or 8 something, we drove into the storm. The lightning was really fun to watch, especially after driving past fields for hours. Mom was watching the radar, and the storm that we saw had an anvil had a "hook echo," meaning a tornado has probably formed. Indeed, we read later law enforcement confirmed a tornado on the ground in Strong City (east of where we were) with baseball sized hail..wow. Crazy we all saw that cloud build up for hours! We had to rush to get everything out of the car once we got to Julie's because of the storm. It was nice to get out of the car though, phew! Definitely a long drive. :P We hung out some and then went to bed..there was another storm at 2 in the morning..I had to check the radar to made sure a tornado wasn't coming LOL

Today we got up late and hung out (Julie and Kerry had to work) and then visited grandma! We sat at dinner with her which was..awkward, because the other poor people at the table seemed all "not there." The residents kept doing odd things, and eventually mom was like "we have to go and help Joelle make dinner!" Cindy was SO relived because it was just so uncomfortable..those poor people. :( We had dinner and now we're just relaxing. Hopefully no storms will wake me up tonight :P

( a few pics )

19 – Banana Day: Are you a fan of bananas? In your opinion, what is the best way to eat bananas? I am not

20 – Volunteer Recognition Day: Do you do any volunteer work? Do you belong to any organizations or use any services that are very dependent on volunteers, even if you don't do any volunteering yourself? In some places, students are required to do some volunteer work for school credits. Do you think this is a good idea? Not right now, but Forgot-Me-Not Books is very dependent on volunteers. Sure, it helps them learn responsibility and a little what it's like to work

Today I was eating lunch in my office when I heard a guy talking to Adam who seemed agitated..Adam was saying that he couldn't sit on the floor. I poked my head out of my office and saw him sitting on the floor, getting more agitated as Adam and Shelby kept telling him he couldn't sit there. He got up, then started saying super mean and rude things to Shelby and Adam, like he was going to kill them and asked Shelby if he could lick her tongue (WTF??). He was yelling and cursing a lot. Brave Adam was in front of him, telling him to leave, and the guy poked him on the nose! The guy was completely losing it by then. They went around the corner and I heard more ruckus, and suddenly Adam comes reeling back to where I was standing, holding his face. I asked him if he was ok, but he didn't answer. Turned out the guy punched him in the face!! D: D: I went around the corner a little more and saw him flailing on the floor in the teachers' offices (the students with their kids quickly got out of there). He was completely manic and calling everyone names and that he was going to kill them (he must have hit his head on something, because it was bloody). I crept a little closer and saw a coworker and a student trying to hold him down..I didn't see it, but he had lightly punched my coworker, and was trying to kick the student in the face. They were able to hold him down (not easily), and the guy yelled some more. We had called the police, and I went back to my office while the officers did their thing ("HANDS! LET ME SEE YOUR HANDS!!" "I'm not resisting!!" Uh huh..). There I found Adam sobbing in my chair. I hugged him, and Lucy talked to him as well. He was even more upset because he didn't have insurance and didn't think he could go to the doctor, and both of us said we would help pay for the visit, no question. She talked to Adam for a long time, and he seemed ok-ish when Lucy went to take hin to the doctor. We actually had to close the bookstore for a couple hours, so everyone could recover and decompress. My coworker who helped hold the guy down seemed alright, but the student was shaking. Everyone was shaken, I think..in all my years at the bookstore I've never seen anyone that violent there..wow. I felt so bad for Adam..I hope he'll be alright. I hope they keep the guy in jail, because he is very dangerous. What a crazy day..

Early this morning I start on the journey to Kansas! It's definitely time for a vacation lol. Excited to see grandma and other family again!

( nov 5-7 )

On Wednesday, I woke up to a clear blue day! My Weather Wizardry strikes again. :P I saw Denali in the distance (when you fly direct to Seattle, you skirt around the Alaska Range) and the mountains just looked so nice. <3 I did see some pretty cool glaciers too! On the flights I watched Underwater and Mary Queen of Scots (I was four-poster bed hunting LOL). It was 11 something I think when I landed at Kansas City, and mom and Aunt Cindy picked us up..it usually only takes like an hour to get to Topeka, but it took longer because it was pretty foggy. Even though it was like 1 AM when I got to the house, I took a shower anyway, because flying is gross :P

Thursday I saw Julie and Dean, and their pets..Julie has two cats (Yoda and Beano) and two dogs (Teddy and Lucy). Cindy and Dean have a dog named Blanca (I met her before though). Lots of animals to pet!! Haha. Yoda is a beautiful tuxedo cat..it took her a few moments to warm up to me, which surprised Julie because it usually takes her longer (for mom it took like a day or two). Beano was much more skittish, so I was very surprised when later that night he jumped up onto the couch and demanded me to pet her haha, and was kneading a blanket next to me. Cats know I love them LOL. I visited grandma at the assisted care facility she lives at, which is a really nice place! Her room is spacious (she has a little four-poster bed, though without the top part..I joked that we should get her tiny curtains LOL) and the people who work there are really nice. Grandma said she's very happy being in the US again lol, and was happy to see me too. I think this was the day we went to Olive Garden, yummm

Yesterday we visited grandma again, but didn't do much else that was exciting. It was pretty windy though. Today we went downtown and went to a bookstore and a couple thrift shops (I got a cool lamp with ships on the lampshade!). Mom and I found a geocache, and almost got blown away by the wind!! It literally pushed you around if you weren't standing firmly! We went to Chipotle for lunch, then got supplies and food and stuff for grandma's party (her birthday is tomorrow, but Julie has to go to Colorado tomorrow, so we did the party today) and decorated a room at the care home. Aunt Gina drove up from Wichita, and then it was time to party! We had sandwiches, cupcakes, mimosas, and a LOT of laughter haha. There was also a thunderstorm that came by! It was fun, but tiring. It was great seeing grandma having so much fun though :D

( some pics! )

20. What do a lot of people have very strong opinions about, even though they know very little about it? Politics?

21. Who in your life is the worst at using technology? Dad, grandma, etc

22. What was the biggest realization you had about yourself? Learning I was asexual, for one

23. What memory of yours feels real but is most likely false? I've wondered if my memory of me swinging and one of my parents telling me to comb my hair and me saying "no!" was actually a dream..

Mom has to have back surgery in a week cause it's messed up and nothing else she tried (except taking Motrin) worked. That's somewhat scary..I don't want her to die..

I forgot to say..when I was in Kansas there was this AMAZING lightning storm..the hotel room was on the 8th floor and it was an awesomeee view. I also saw old pics of mom and she looked like a hippy haha

Today's Latin: surgite et coffeam olfacite (wake up and smell the coffee)

Mood:happy
Music:none

We're at my aunt's house now. We visited with my mom's friend yesterday and today. They are so cool! We got here about an hour ago cause we were visiting with mom's friend most of the day. My aunt has a nice house! Monday we leave for Colorado, yay!

I swear, from Texas to here, there's *no* change in the land. There was this 1 place that had hills, and here kinda has hills, but that was it. I wanna just get away from all the flat treeless plains and see some mountains and trees. That's kinda why I'm anxious to go to Colorado.

Mom won't activate the Internet on her computer (I'm on my aunt's). I'M ADDICTED TO DOING SURVEYS!! YAY FOR WEIRD ADDICTIONS!

"He pushed Akron into the hands of the Nordic warrior"--"Gargoyles, Angels of Darkness," Rhapsody