The night before last, I tried one of those paranormal apps for myself..I was like "does this REALLY work?" and it came back with "reject!" Ok I'm sorry!! Haha. I asked if Cherry was there and a male British voice answered me, though I couldn't understand what he said. It was when a voice said "hurt you" and "die" that I was like "NOPE," and deleted the app haha. Still kind of interesting though..

Yesterday Gina said we should do something fun, and Ryan was like "let's go to a cemetery!" Ok then LOL. Ryan found one with a statue of a little girl that an anonymous person (or people) that has been dressing the statue for the seasons..they've been doing it for decades! This time she had on a hat and there was a basket of Easter eggs next to her grave. Gina opened her paranormal app, and when I said it was really sad some of the people died so young, it came back with "free!" Well, I suppose that's true lol. When we were next to the statue, a young voice was "talking" the whole time we were there, though we couldn't understand what she was trying to say. When we were about to walk under an oak tree, it said "nuts!" Wow. O_o I liked all the sycamore trees around the cemetery lol

After that, we went to Barnes and Noble, ate dinner, and went to visit grandma..she was in a terrible mood, and really upset because she was getting another med instead of Amitriptyline, and was worried she wouldn't be able to sleep. We also think it was because she had been off her depression meds for a few days. She just wanted to go home too. Poor grandma, she looked so miserable. :( We stayed until visiting hours were over, got some cookies from Crumbl, then went home. Tiring day!

Today Joelle wanted to take us to a cliff with a creek 20 minutes away..Gina said she was going to check on grandma, then come to the cliff with us. We kept waiting and waiting, but the "quick trip" was full of drama..they wanted to release grandma to go back home (she's able to stand now), but the place she lives it won't let her go back without a physical or something, so she has to stay at the rehab place for the weekend. Gina said to go without her..I had been sitting lazily for too long haha, and didn't really want to go, so Ryan, mom and Joelle went to the cliff and Julie and I went to visit grandma. She was definitely in a better mood today! We then went to Red Robin for dinner (mom and the others met us there too). I had the Southern Charm burger..brown-sugar-glazed patty, hardwood-smoked bacon, Whiskey River BBQ Sauce, cheddar, caramelized onion, and mayo. OMG SO GOOOOD. *drools* We then went back to say goodbye to grandma, since we're leaving tomorrow (mom was going to stay, but she woke up feeling like she was getting sick, so she's coming back with me and Ryan..we don't want grandma to get sick again!!). I said I'd see her next time, at her nice apartment. I think having family around her definitely helped her recovery. We're all amazed at how her unhealthy body keeps fighting! Mom and Joelle showed me cool rocks and shells from the cliff..I'll have to go there next time!

Ryan and I have middle seats on the flight to Seattle tomorrow, ugh. At least I can do it on Prozac. I remember the last time I was here Julie's squeaky kitchen chairs drove me CRAZY, this time I barely noticed it! It's definitely an amazing med!

( a couple more pics )

16. What Do You Want More From a Career: Happiness or Wealth? Happiness!

17. Have You Ever Had to Make a Sacrifice to Help Someone You Care About? Sure..I actually helped grandma when she had her garage sale on my 18th birthday haha

Happy Thanksgiving! We had a feast at work yesterday, and a pretty low-key dinner at my parents' house. Vicki was going to come over, but mom is sick, so we'll have to do that another time. I'm extra thankful this year..I got a great counselor and psychiatrist, I was able to take a few months off of work so I could get my life back together (I'm still SO grateful they let me do that!), and slowly started feeling better after getting back on Prozac and Amitriptlyne. I'm thankful for Vicki too, she literally came at just the right time, when Denise was totally falling apart. She's a great manager, good with people, and one of the most caring, comforting people I've ever met (both me and Denise said we were grateful for her yesterday, and she was very touched). I'm glad I'm again able to enjoy work, food, looking forward to things and just living. The first half of the year was dark and bleak, but I stubbornly struggled through it and came out of it kind of a new person. And of course, I'm thankful for Abby!

She was sitting on mom's lap, and I told mom to scratch her belly, and she purred REALLY loudly and did that pose. Omg she is SO adorable LOL (she's kneading the air!). I gave her some turkey, which she LOVED..so spoiled haha


I left and when I came back, this is how I found Abby..she must have missed me, since she's on top of my jacket haha (I wonder what I smell like to her..)

( nov 18-22 )

This weekend there's a tattoo expo in Fairbanks..Ryan and Jo already had an appointment for today, but I hadn't known about it, so I went with them. Someone was available for me right away, so this is what I got!

Very cooool (haha). The coloring in definitely hurt more than the outlining, but it's such a nice color! I was finished before Jo (he got these swirly lines on his leg), so Ryan drove me home while his was being finished. Somehow getting tattoos is addictive, even if it is painful :P

Since dad has neuropathy, he doesn't have a lot of feeling in his feet, and two or three months ago he discovered one of his toes had an infection. He tried antibiotics, which didn't work, and his whole foot became red and swollen. He had an x-ray done, which showed the infection had basically eaten his bone away, so today he had to get the toe removed in Anchorage. It went well, and mom sent me a picture of him hanging out outside a few minutes ago. Hopefully the recovery won't be too painful!

It still amazes me how well Prozac works for me..I'm so much happier and can enjoy things again, like work, going out to eat with mom and Ingrid on Wednesday (yay! We love when Ingrid visits, she's so fun lol), etc..before, even the sound of rustling papers was overwhelming, I was always angry and dreaded just waking up in the morning, and my face always hurt from being tense all the time. It's so relieving not being miserable all the time! I've learned a lot and have come a long way..things that used to stress me out (like unexpectedly having to cover the register at work) no longer do..now I just happily go with the flow. I had forgotten how to have fun. I'm finally getting my CPAP on Tuesday, so hopefully that'll make things even better! I'm grateful to everyone who refused to give up on me <3

( aug 12-18 )

O hai, I'm 34 today!

I was surprised when I got up this morning and found the table was decorated all fancy, with a shiny tablecloth and balloons and stuff..nice! Mom also got me a card that says "celebrate like a cat today. Eat. Sleep. Ignore everyone who annoys you." Awesome LOL. We went to Chena's Alaskan Grill for dinner..thankfully they had their regular menu this time, and not the disappointing buffet they did last year, then went home and had cupcakes! Mom also got me a Mac Mini, because the computer at my apartment is super old and needs to be replaced..nice!

At work today Laura, Elias and Lydia stopped in to buy books! I hadn't seen them in quite awhile..seeing Elias always makes me happy lol. Lydia is now walking and running around everywhere lol. Of course we had to get a picture:

Yay! He's six now, wow! I wonder what Mike's doing these days, I'll have to ask Laura next time I see her..

I saw my psychiatrist on Tuesday, and I'm going to try going back on Prozac again, because the Cymbalta isn't helping much and I feel like I'm getting worse again..ugh. It was definitely a miracle drug, especially when I first started taking it. I also finally have an appointment with the sleep doctor on Wednesday to talk about the sleep study results. I barely slept at all that night so I don't know if there's any good data, but I guess I'll find out :P

( june 3-8 )

1. Among people with whom you are not personally acquainted, who most made you laugh in 2022? Drew Lynch, etc
2. Among people with whom you are not personally acquainted, who most inspired you in 2022? Cherry?
3. What were your food discoveries in 2022? Hmm..there may have been something, but I can't remember what it was lol
4. What were your music discoveries in 2022? Derina Harvey Band and random other songs lol
5. Where will you be when the clock strikes midnight on January 1? My parents' house

I've gone back to work for a few hours these past couple weeks..we get holiday pay, so I didn't HAVE to go in, but I figured this was a good time to slowly get back and try to get caught up haha. It went pretty well, though I was tired since I haven't done a lot this past month. I'm glad the Prozac has kicked in again, the "black hole" feeling and hating everything at the beginning of the month was awful! Next week is back to work for real, and I might try to go back to my apartment for a couple days too..I'm nervous, but hopefully I'll do alright!

( dec 26-30 )

Mom said dad came home today and is doing great! Yay!! I'm so glad they were able to help him, and I hope he stays stable now! It's his birthday too, so that must have been a good present lol

Speaking of mental health, today I have been on Prozac three years..wow! It's definitely made my life easier lol (I knew the 16 in 2016 would be good LOL..Prozac and Cherry, what a combination :P). I shiver when I think about just how depressed and angry I'd gotten!

( Day 47-49 )

Today's trivia: Before there were alarm clocks, there were "knockers-up", who were hired to shoot dried peas from a blow gun at people's windows in order to wake them up in the morning

I love how disgusted the cat looked when he spat out the broccoli haha. I've seen those videos of cats freaking out when they see zucchini, so that was a nice touch too lol

I have been on Prozac for a year now, and wow, it changed my life..pretty sure it saved my life too (my thoughts had gotten scary D:). My face was always in pain (from being tense or something) and I just felt awful, like a shell of myself (I was worried I was broken and nothing would help). I remember how calm I felt after it started working and it was AWESOME, even my dreams noticed haha! I'm so happy I found something that has continued working so well!

( pics under here! )

Yesterday mom and I arrived in San Diego. Our flight to Seattle was supposed to depart at 1:30 AM, but the flight with the crew were delayed in Anchorage because of a mechanical problem. A flight from Seattle was coming with crew that could go on our airplane though..by the time we left it was around 2:30 AM and the sun was just coming up haha! The agents at the counter rebooked everyone with connecting flights before 7 AM (we were one of them). Alaska Airlines is AWESOME, seriously..they handled the situation well and we didn't have to wait ages for them to rebook us (and they weren't like "oh well, you'll just have to figure it out when you get to Seattle"). I was afraid they'd lose our luggage, but it got through just fine. The weather was mostly cloudy, but I did see the top of Mt. Hayes, Hess and Deborah. I kept falling asleep at the window haha, but I doubt I missed much. I did see a little glacier though (it was hard to tell between clouds and glaciers, but this was definitely a glacier cause I could see crevasses). Unfortunately on the rebooked flight mom and I both had middle seats..I was a little worried since last time I had a middle seat I had a huge panic attack and cried and yelled at my brother. D: I was determined not to freak out this time (and I had Xanax with me, just in case), and it worked! Sure sitting by two strangers was uncomfortable, but I got through it fine. I kept falling asleep and kept worrying that my head would fall on one of their shoulders LOL. When I woke up enough I watched some of The Finest Hours..I'll have to finish it on the flight home (I have the book too, though I haven't read it yet)

After we got our rental car and stuff, we drove to the hotel..it was too early for a room to be ready, so we had lunch and found a couple geocaches, yay! (There's one like 400 some feet from the hotel lol.) The first one we looked for was HARD..we were looking for something tiny (a nano, in caching speak lol). This family saw us poking around and were like "wtf are you doing?? You look silly crawling around down there" haha. We told them we were caching and one of the kids was like "oh yeah, I found one once!" They actually helped us look for it, and one of the kids actually found it! Awesome, considering how tiny that thing was lol. And uh..I kinda downloaded Pokemon Go LOL..I've never been into Pokemon, but that game sounded like too much fun to pass up (it reminded me of geocaching haha). It is definitely addictive lol. We were so happy when our room was available..it was so nice to take a nap and just hang out

Today we had breakfast and decided to pamper ourselves at the hotel's spa..mom got a pedicure and a manicure and I just got a manicure (my first one! I feel like my feet are weird and don't really like showing them to people lol). The nail technician (yep, that was her actual title lol) was born and raised in California and loved seeing pics from Alaska and hearing moose stories and stuff (and weirdly enough, the waiting room had a picture of a glacier hanging up! Weird how glaciers follow me, even to places like Hawaii lol). After that we went to the store to get snacks and stuff and then met up with Dana for dinner, yay! We met at her house..I saw her cat Remy and started petting him but he was like "wtf who are you" and walked away (I forget that not all cats aren't like Abby and need time to get used to strangers lol). After a few minutes he came around and purred and was loving our attention..he even let me pick him up, which Dana said he doesn't usually do..he knows cat lovers when he sees them. ;) Her other cat Indra doesn't like strangers at all, so we just had to admire her from a distance haha. We had a lovely dinner at a Mexican restaurant..Dana's been busy with wedding stuff, so she was very happy to have down time. We're gonna see her on Friday for her rehearsal dinner too, so that'll be cool. After that we drove back to the hotel (weird driving in the dark!) and now we're relaxing. Tomorrow we have to shop for clothes and shoes for the wedding..ugh. D: I hope I find something I like, it's hard to shop for clothes nowadays..

I know I keep mentioning this, but I keep realizing how much I was struggling to function before I started taking Prozac. Before when I would see Dana I couldn't look her in the face for whatever reason, but this time I was able to without feeling super anxious. I feel like I can talk and joke around with ease and not sit there and just like..retreat into myself? It's hard to explain..like I just felt dead inside or something. I'm pretty sure last year was the worst year of my life. Prozac has literally given me my life back, and it's AMAZING. To everyone struggling with depression, don't give up! You WILL find something that helps you <3

FAIRBANKS - Fairbanks set another record high temperature on Saturday, breaking a mark that was set in 1915.

The thermometer topped out at 82 degrees at Fairbanks International Airport, 2 degrees warmer than the previous record. Fairbanks also set a record high of 79 on Friday. The normal high for this time of year is 60.

Interior Alaska, already under dry conditions, pulled through two days of record-breaking hot weather without a wildfire starting.

The fire service was ready for fire activity, Mowry said, as temperatures climbed on Saturday, hitting a high of 82 degrees at Fairbanks International Airport about 7 p.m. and setting a new record for a high temperature for May 14.

The old record of 80 degrees was set in 1915, according to National Weather Service meteorologist Ryan Metzger.

“(Saturday) was the first time we hit 80 degrees this season,” Metzger said.

It was so warm on Saturday that the low temperature, 59 degrees, broke a record too for highest minimum temperature on May 14. Metzger said the previous record, set in 2005, was 52 degrees.

Fairbanks’ low temperature on Saturday beat Chicago’s high temperature of 47 degrees, the meteorologist said.

Wow, 80 degrees in May. I'm glad it cooled off and rained some, especially since there has been so much pollen lately. I went to the clinic to get stuff for allergies and when the doctor looked inside my nose he was like "wow, it looks brutal in there!" It was too swollen to even breathe..luckily the stuff I got has helped some, phew

Yesterday I was talking to mom about how I still feel so much better on the Prozac..she was like "yeah, suddenly just one day it seemed this cloud lifted off you and I could feel your good vibes." Wow. I wish I had gotten help sooner, I felt like a shell of a person, existing but dead inside. It's given me my life back..I'm not sure why Prozac works so well for me when the others didn't, but I'm so happy I found something that works!

( List three animals you like )