Today Jo hosted a picnic for Pride Month (he works for the university's Diversity Center), and when he invited mom and I, I was like "sure!" I'd never been to a Pride event before, so I was excited to experience one. I bought a really cute kitty asexual pride shirt, and Jo gave me a flag. As I was walking up to the event, I started feeling really nervous..there were a lot of people there, and I wanted to say hi to people, but wasn't really sure how. Everyone seemed to know each other (I knew a few at least) and were having so much fun..I wished I could have been as extroverted as them! The music was also too loud..ugh. Jo knew I was struggling, so he was like "let's meet these people!" and led me to a group of about 6 or 7 or so people..I walked slowly behind Jo, and started completely panicking. He introduced me, but I couldn't look anyone in the eyes and could barely even say hi (they all seemed nice though!)..I was about to cry right there! Ughh, I was so embarrassed and felt dumb and socially inept..sometimes, I really hate being autistic. :( Jo asked if I wanted to meet anyone else and I was like "NOPE" haha, and when I got far enough away I did start crying, and hid behind a tree (I really wanted my weighted blanket!). I felt so embarrassed and dumb! Mom hugged me and talked to me, and said I was absolutely not being dumb, she understands how certain things can be too overwhelming for me, it's just the way I am..it's hard even for her to be social with so many people we don't know around (I told her how desperately I wanted to say hi to people without freaking out lol). I love how much mom understands me, she's always been my advocate. <3 Even after all that, I wanted to try again, so after I calmed down, I went to where Jo was, and was able to talk to a few people, yay! A lot of people had left, so that helped too..smaller groups are much easier for me! Jo was like "this is cool! I don't think I've seen this many queer people in one place before!" haha..it was definitely a fun atmosphere! Mom said she was proud of me for going back and trying again..I wouldn't have felt right if I hadn't! I'm glad I was able to have some fun lol, and seeing so many unique people in one spot was cool too :)

( some pics! )

12. When you were growing up did your family move around a lot? No, we were at our house in Texas for 18 years!

All my life, I've wondered why I've never wanted to have sex or make-out and stuff like that..I've been curious, but felt more obligated than anything else, since most everyone else does it. It took me till 8th grade to even get a crush on someone. I've had many crushes of course, but the idea of making out and stuff is just..meh (I'm sure being autistic doesn't help either). I have pretty much no sex drive. Mom has said I'll never get a boyfriend if I don't want to have sex with someone..I've felt ashamed at still being a virgin. A couple people I know have "come out" as being asexual, so I decided to research it. When I read this, I knew right away: "asexual individuals may still experience attraction but this attraction doesn't need to be realized in any sexual manner." 100% yes! I thought I was broken or something, so it's good to know I'm not alone! That is a big reason I think Cherry would have been perfect for me..we'd enjoy our company and wouldn't feel like we HAD to have kids or sex and stuff like that. So..pretty sure that I am asexual! What a relief haha (though I might need to have sex to make sure, but I don't want to LOL)

Yesterday the trees decided to leaf out, which is cool, but OMG THE POLLEN..you could just see it floating in the air. Poor mom is completely miserable. It was also 80 degrees yesterday..wow!

In preparation for moving, Ryan and Jo have been helping mom sell stuff online. Yesterday a family with kids came and I brought Abby out and the kids were SO happy hehe. Abby didn't particularly like the kid screeching, but she enjoyed being pet anyway. :P The cats still aren't used to Sid though..Greyboy hissed at Sid, which is the first time I've ever heard him hiss! I wasn't even sure he could, since his meow seems broken haha

( may 9-11 )