Shattered

Today I went to lunch with Kathy, and after we're done she was like "I wanted to ask you..has anyone ever told you to say thank you when someone does something nice for you? You never have with me, and it kinda hurt my feelings." I told her that saying thank you is extremely hard for me, not because I don't appreciate it (of course I do!)..it's just one part of my autism I haven't been able to overcome yet (when Nina, who used to be my job coach, and I went to lunch, that subject came up once, and I was like "you know I appreciate it right?" and she said "yes, I can tell by your smile that you are thankful. A lot of my autistic clients are like that"). Kathy was like "that's not an excuse! Someone came up to me once and said that you need to say thank you, since you never do." Wait, what?!? I asked her who had said that and she said "I'm not going to say, it doesn't matter." Then I just started sobbing. She drove me back to work and I just had to hide in my office and cry..I didn't mean to hurt her feelings!! Then I thought of that "someone" who said that behind my back and felt angry and betrayed, like my whole world had just shattered. I've always wondered what people say when I'm not there, and I guess now I know. I haven't felt that depressed in a long time..if you have a problem with me, just come up and talk to me about it! I saw Kathy go into Becky's office..I think she knew that I was hurt and was telling Becky about it. I told Paulette and Denise about it, and they were both very understanding. I know they'll always have my back. <3 Kathy kept trying to talk to me like nothing had even happened, but I was too hurt to talk to her. I had to come home because I was too upset to function properly lol (I took a Xanax and went to bed LOL). I know I need to work on saying thank you, but that was NOT the right way to go about it..it hurts me deeply someone would say that behind my back. I feel better after a nap and writing this, but it still hurts. I think I'll need to talk with Kathy again, when I'm not so upset..I think I hurt her too. :( I'll just have to pick myself up and move on..I know who my true friends are and that means a lot <3

In happier news, I seriously cannot believe it's been a year since I got into polar exploration and Cherry. It was so funny, I was at work and all of a sudden, BAM! I was just sitting there like "CHERRY ANTARCTICA YAY" LOL. Cherry has definitely been an inspiration to me and has helped me through hard times <3

( pics for aug 13 and 14 )

Today's trivia: For one dazzling minute each night in Providence, Rhode Island, buildings, boats, nightclubs and folks on the street make the city skyline sparkle by flashing lights on one side of the Providence River. The aim is to brighten the spirits of kids in Hasbro Children’s Hospital, located on the opposite bank (omg this is AMAZING..I heard it on the radio earlier and couldn't wait to share it!)