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Oct. 16th, 2007 10:30 am
glacier_kitty: (Default)
[personal profile] glacier_kitty
Here are several very important but often forgotten rules of English:

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren't necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13. Don't be redundant; don't more use words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. Profanity sucks.
15. Be more or less specific.
16. Understatement is always best.
17. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be avoided.
21. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
22. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
23. Who needs rhetorical questions?
24. While a transcendent vocabulary is laudable, one must nevertheless keep incessant surveillance against such loquacious, effusive, voluble verbosity that the calculated objective of communication becomes ensconced in obscurity.
25. In a sentence, the nouns has to match the verbs.
26. Don't use no double negatives.
27. In writing, few things are, so to speak, more infuriating, than, say, commas, at least when there are too many of them, or when they should be, say, semicolons.
28. Proofread your work, so you don't leave some out or forget to finish
29. Run-on sentences are really bad because the reader saturates and what you really should be doing is using commas and semicolons and even periods to break the sentence up into more digestible chunks.
30. To have been using excessively complex verb constructions, is to have been bopping the literary baloney.
31. A friend I spoken with recently told me he been forgetting his helper verbs.

Today's Latin: pecunia non in arboribus crescit (money doesn't grow on trees)

Date: 2007-10-16 03:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rdyfrde.livejournal.com
If I followed all of those rules, my stories would be pretty boring ;)

Date: 2007-10-17 02:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] parsephoni.livejournal.com
I couldn't agree more :D

Date: 2007-10-16 03:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxydanish.livejournal.com
HAHAH OMG that is hilarious!!!! That is super clever. I wish I had the cleverness to be as clever as whoever wrote that hahah.

Date: 2007-10-16 07:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lickintoadz.livejournal.com
I love the way that's written.
Fortunately, I am old, so the rules of proper engrish no longer apply to me. :-D

Date: 2007-10-17 10:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] opera-lover-44.livejournal.com
Sometimes rules have to be broken, especially when it comes to writing. Sometimes breaking the rules gets the point across. Like in The Color Purple, there were no quotation marks around what they were saying. That was showing the "intellegence" level of the character who was writing the story. Or sometimes people misspell words to get an accent across or...whatever.

Date: 2007-10-17 08:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] glacier-kitty.livejournal.com
Err this was a joke lol..I've seen rules broken too haha..I do that when I'm writing parodies..but yeah I agree they can be broken to get the point across. The Bible doesn't have quotation marks (at least the one I'm reading doesn't)

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