Fave parts from ROTK in 15 Minutes
Jan. 23rd, 2007 04:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
glacier_kitty[...and PIPPIN inside the Golden Hall, where he falls prey to the lure of the MAGIC 8-BALL:]
Pippin: AHHHHH! BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH!
[Everyone wakes up and starts running around and a game of Hot Potato Breaks out--]
Legolas: Grab it, grab it!
Aragorn: HOT HOT HOT!
[They arrive at the end of the Paths of the Dead, and it is scary. ARAGORN and LEGOLAS'S HORSES up and make a run for it]
Aragorn: BREGO! WHERE ARE YOU GOING! DIDN'T SAVING MY LIFE MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?!
Legolas [sadly]: Why do pretty horsies always leave?
Aragorn: I KEEL YOU WITH MY GIANT PHALLIC SWORD!
King of the Dead: OmgpleasedontkillmeIwantto...keep...being...dead...?
Denethor: What? MY ONLY SON! OH MY BELOVED SON HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU!
Pippin: *massive eyeroll*
[The ORCS catapult the heads of FARAMIR'S slain MEN over the walls of the city, to the horror of all]
Denethor: The son I didn't love is done for! The army I didn't call for hasn't come! O CRUEL WORLD, WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?!
[In the middle of his rant, he sees the vast armies of ORCS and URUKS and catapults and CAVE TROLLS and some WEIRD TRICERACOW THINGS right at the city gates]
Denethor: FLEE! EVERYBODY FLEE! ABANDON YOUR POSTS! PANIC IN THE STREETS AND WET YOURSELVES LIKE CHILDREN!
[Gandalf intercedes to administer the beatdown of all time:]
Galdalf: STOP SUCKING!
Tolkien fans: *aren't even fazed anymore*
Gandalf: Gey back to your posts, b*tches!
Pippin: What about me?
Gandalf: STAND OVER THERE AND TRY NOT TO DIE
The horns of the ROHIRRIM! THEODEN has come to save the day in one last, great charge of which the generations forever after will sing!
Theoden: DEAAATH!
Merry: No! Not death!
Horsey people: DEAAAAATH!
Merry: Not death! Not death! How about mild discomfort?
Theoden: DEAAAAAAATH!
Merry: Cramps? Sinus congestion?
Eowyn: DEAAAAAAAAAATH!
Merry: Let's hear it for migraines!
[....Unfortunately, DENETHOR'S whole self-immolation plan is already past the point of no return. He runs screaming down several miles of courtyard...]
Gandalf: There passes Denethor...
Denethor: [falling off city] WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...!
Gandalf: ...a great long-distance runner
[Just as the WITCH KING comes in for the kill,Eowyn 'DERNHELM' leaps between them]
Eowyn: I will kill you if you touch him!
[The WITCH KING leans over and starts not-quite-poking THEODEN, who is lying half-crushed beneath his horse]
Witch King: I'M NOT TOUCHING HIM! I'M NOT TOUCHING HIM! TOUCH TOUCH TOUCH!
Eowyn: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Fell beast's head: *falls off*
Witch King: YOU SON OF A B*TCH!
[The WITCH KING chases EOWYN around in circles with his giant spikey flail until finally he breaks her shield - and her arm - and she drops her sword. MERRY crawls up and stabs him in the knee before he can flail her in the head]
Eowyn [tearing off helmet]: I AM NO SON OF A B*TCH! I AM A GIRRRRRRRRRRL!
[EOWYN stabs the WITCH KING in the face, and it is awesome]
Merry: Duuuuude
LOGOLAS uses his surfer-chick skills to take down an entire ELEPHANT and its CREW. All the FANGIRLS in the AUDIENCE swoon
Aragorn: This is what I'm saying, people! We march on Sauron and he'll be too busy pulverizing us to notice the munchkins!
Legolas: [wisely]: A diversion
Eomer: ...
Gandalf: ...
Aragorn: Wow. I think that deserves a promotion to Captain Obvious
Legolas: *beams*
Just as a giant troll is about to stomp ARAGORN'S face, SAURON'S EYE starts freaking out and the tower crumbles and all his ORCS run away and the EAGLEMOTHS peck the FELL BEASTS to death and the earth swallows up all everything evil and a power shockwave ruins all their electronics
The eye of Sauron: NOOOO! MY DOMINION OVER THE EAAAARTH! MY STEREOOOOOO!
The credits: We would like to thank the people of New Zealand, the people of Old Zealand, the Maori, the settlers, the inventors of moving pictures and the printing press, God, everyone in Hollywood, their lawyers, their agents, their agents' lawyers and their lawyers' agents, God's lawyer's agent...
Voice from the grave of Tolkien: [muffled]: HEY!
The credits: ...oh, and the late JRR Tolkien, without whom these movies could not have been made, obviously, even though we probably p*ssed him off to hell and back in the making them. But hey, at least we're not Disney
Disney: HEY!
The movie: *is over*
Today's Latin: parva leves capiunt animas (little minds are caught up with little things)
"In my heart there is always winter, cannot rest until I found the master key, the master key of trust"--"Shadow Empire," HammerFall
Pippin: AHHHHH! BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH!
[Everyone wakes up and starts running around and a game of Hot Potato Breaks out--]
Legolas: Grab it, grab it!
Aragorn: HOT HOT HOT!
[They arrive at the end of the Paths of the Dead, and it is scary. ARAGORN and LEGOLAS'S HORSES up and make a run for it]
Aragorn: BREGO! WHERE ARE YOU GOING! DIDN'T SAVING MY LIFE MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?!
Legolas [sadly]: Why do pretty horsies always leave?
Aragorn: I KEEL YOU WITH MY GIANT PHALLIC SWORD!
King of the Dead: OmgpleasedontkillmeIwantto...keep...being...dead...?
Denethor: What? MY ONLY SON! OH MY BELOVED SON HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU!
Pippin: *massive eyeroll*
[The ORCS catapult the heads of FARAMIR'S slain MEN over the walls of the city, to the horror of all]
Denethor: The son I didn't love is done for! The army I didn't call for hasn't come! O CRUEL WORLD, WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?!
[In the middle of his rant, he sees the vast armies of ORCS and URUKS and catapults and CAVE TROLLS and some WEIRD TRICERACOW THINGS right at the city gates]
Denethor: FLEE! EVERYBODY FLEE! ABANDON YOUR POSTS! PANIC IN THE STREETS AND WET YOURSELVES LIKE CHILDREN!
[Gandalf intercedes to administer the beatdown of all time:]
Galdalf: STOP SUCKING!
Tolkien fans: *aren't even fazed anymore*
Gandalf: Gey back to your posts, b*tches!
Pippin: What about me?
Gandalf: STAND OVER THERE AND TRY NOT TO DIE
The horns of the ROHIRRIM! THEODEN has come to save the day in one last, great charge of which the generations forever after will sing!
Theoden: DEAAATH!
Merry: No! Not death!
Horsey people: DEAAAAATH!
Merry: Not death! Not death! How about mild discomfort?
Theoden: DEAAAAAAATH!
Merry: Cramps? Sinus congestion?
Eowyn: DEAAAAAAAAAATH!
Merry: Let's hear it for migraines!
[....Unfortunately, DENETHOR'S whole self-immolation plan is already past the point of no return. He runs screaming down several miles of courtyard...]
Gandalf: There passes Denethor...
Denethor: [falling off city] WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...!
Gandalf: ...a great long-distance runner
[Just as the WITCH KING comes in for the kill,
Eowyn: I will kill you if you touch him!
[The WITCH KING leans over and starts not-quite-poking THEODEN, who is lying half-crushed beneath his horse]
Witch King: I'M NOT TOUCHING HIM! I'M NOT TOUCHING HIM! TOUCH TOUCH TOUCH!
Eowyn: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Fell beast's head: *falls off*
Witch King: YOU SON OF A B*TCH!
[The WITCH KING chases EOWYN around in circles with his giant spikey flail until finally he breaks her shield - and her arm - and she drops her sword. MERRY crawls up and stabs him in the knee before he can flail her in the head]
Eowyn [tearing off helmet]: I AM NO SON OF A B*TCH! I AM A GIRRRRRRRRRRL!
[EOWYN stabs the WITCH KING in the face, and it is awesome]
Merry: Duuuuude
LOGOLAS uses his surfer-chick skills to take down an entire ELEPHANT and its CREW. All the FANGIRLS in the AUDIENCE swoon
Aragorn: This is what I'm saying, people! We march on Sauron and he'll be too busy pulverizing us to notice the munchkins!
Legolas: [wisely]: A diversion
Eomer: ...
Gandalf: ...
Aragorn: Wow. I think that deserves a promotion to Captain Obvious
Legolas: *beams*
Just as a giant troll is about to stomp ARAGORN'S face, SAURON'S EYE starts freaking out and the tower crumbles and all his ORCS run away and the EAGLEMOTHS peck the FELL BEASTS to death and the earth swallows up all everything evil and a power shockwave ruins all their electronics
The eye of Sauron: NOOOO! MY DOMINION OVER THE EAAAARTH! MY STEREOOOOOO!
The credits: We would like to thank the people of New Zealand, the people of Old Zealand, the Maori, the settlers, the inventors of moving pictures and the printing press, God, everyone in Hollywood, their lawyers, their agents, their agents' lawyers and their lawyers' agents, God's lawyer's agent...
Voice from the grave of Tolkien: [muffled]: HEY!
The credits: ...oh, and the late JRR Tolkien, without whom these movies could not have been made, obviously, even though we probably p*ssed him off to hell and back in the making them. But hey, at least we're not Disney
Disney: HEY!
The movie: *is over*
Today's Latin: parva leves capiunt animas (little minds are caught up with little things)
"In my heart there is always winter, cannot rest until I found the master key, the master key of trust"--"Shadow Empire," HammerFall
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-01-24 12:21 am (UTC)In my heart there is always winter
Date: 2007-01-25 01:07 am (UTC)done, you made me laugh that hard....*embarrased*
anyway I just read your post and is So funny...
thank you darling you made my day
Kisses
Re: In my heart there is always winter
Date: 2007-01-25 01:13 am (UTC)Haha I love Movies in 15 Minutes