Covid Scratched Me
Jul. 15th, 2022 05:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
glacier_kittyLast Saturday, my anxiety and depression became too much, so I went to the hospital and checked myself in to the Behavioral Health Unit (aka Psych Ward. My dad was there a few years ago too). I noticed I'd been more anxious and stressed these past few months, and the covid isolation was the final straw for a major depressive episode. I felt tired all the time, woke up at 6 and would become super anxious, I couldn't concentrate on reading, and just felt like dying. It felt even worse than my depression in 2015..I definitely waited too long to get help. I thought I was broken beyond help (mom said I was "scratched" lol, and those heal). You couldn't have your phone, jewelry, or even your watch (I got lots of practice reading analog clocks haha), which made me feel naked lol. There was a computer, but so many things were blocked that it wasn't really worth it to use it much, and the Internet stopped working on it the last few days I was there. When dad was there mom and I visited, but they didn't allow visitors this time (covid ruins EVERYTHING! At least I could talk to mom on the phone!). Unless you were in the bathroom or shower, you had no privacy..you were always on camera and it seemed like a nurse checked on you like every 15 minutes. I like my alone time, so that was hard. Some of the other patients were definitely in worse shape than me, which made my heart hurt. I also had to be in isolation for a day and a half because I still tested positive (ugh), but, in a moment of genius, I had taken a picture of my positive test, so mom sent that to the nurses, and that, along with my vaccination record, got me out of isolation..I was so relieved lol (and made a friend..she was so funny!). The first days were HARD..one day my depression was so bad I just wanted to lay in my bed forever, and just not eat anything..the nurse didn't let me stay in bed though, and I actually did feel better after I got up. We had groups, lead by an occupational therapist (assertive communication, coping skills, even dog therapy!). Other people didn't like going to them, but I was relieved to have something different to do! My doctor tried new meds..first I tried Seroquel, which helped, but made me WAY too tired. I ended up with cholecalciferol (for Vitamin D, mine was SUPER low..probably one reason I've been so tired), Olanzapine (taken together with Prozac, it helps with depression), Propanolol (helps with anxiety), and Trazodone (helps with sleep). Dana sent me flowers yesterday, awww!
As long as I felt stable enough, I was determined to leave by Friday (I wasn't "committed," so I could leave whenever I thought I was ready)..I wanted to go outside, sleep in my own bed, see Abby, have some privacy! I'm definitely doing better, so I got to go home (well, to my parents' house lol) today, yay! I'm still pretty tired, but I'm sure a lot of that is because of covid, so I just have to be patient and let my body heal. I visited work, where everyone was happy to see me. Everyone said to just come back when I'm ready, and go home if I get tired, even if I'm there for just a couple hours. Both mom and Denise said I sound more like myself..apparently when I was talking to Denise last week, I kept hesitating, like I had trouble finding my words or something. I know when I checked in last Saturday, I definitely had trouble thinking of the word I wanted to say! I was so messed up lol. I am SO happy to be out of there, with no cameras constantly watching me. I'm glad I went though, I definitely needed help. Hopefully my "scratched" self will heal more and more each day! I'm going to get counseling at a Behavior Health Center too..I don't want to end up in the psych ward again!
My parents' neighbor's kids were out when we got home, and they LOVE Abby, so they asked me to bring her out so they could pet her
Flower kitty!!! Fancy LOL. Good thing she likes being pet :P
9. Have you ever read a book, or watched show or movie, that made you cheer more for the antagonist rather than the protagonist? I like Loki haha, especially if it's Tom Hiddleston :P
10. What is your favourite thing to do on a Sunday morning? Read in bed, go online..
11. What are some of your favourite ways to cool down or keep cool on hot summer days? AC, fans, drinking something cold..
12. What's the craziest thing you've done for love? Nothing really..
13. When was the last time you had an inspiring conversation? Who was it with? Uhh..someone at the psych ward, I assume
14. If you didn't have any responsibilities for the day, what would you do? I wished I could go online at the ward, I was tired of doing the same things!
15. What was the last fruit you ate? Apples, in apple pie..mmmmm
As long as I felt stable enough, I was determined to leave by Friday (I wasn't "committed," so I could leave whenever I thought I was ready)..I wanted to go outside, sleep in my own bed, see Abby, have some privacy! I'm definitely doing better, so I got to go home (well, to my parents' house lol) today, yay! I'm still pretty tired, but I'm sure a lot of that is because of covid, so I just have to be patient and let my body heal. I visited work, where everyone was happy to see me. Everyone said to just come back when I'm ready, and go home if I get tired, even if I'm there for just a couple hours. Both mom and Denise said I sound more like myself..apparently when I was talking to Denise last week, I kept hesitating, like I had trouble finding my words or something. I know when I checked in last Saturday, I definitely had trouble thinking of the word I wanted to say! I was so messed up lol. I am SO happy to be out of there, with no cameras constantly watching me. I'm glad I went though, I definitely needed help. Hopefully my "scratched" self will heal more and more each day! I'm going to get counseling at a Behavior Health Center too..I don't want to end up in the psych ward again!
My parents' neighbor's kids were out when we got home, and they LOVE Abby, so they asked me to bring her out so they could pet her
Flower kitty!!! Fancy LOL. Good thing she likes being pet :P
9. Have you ever read a book, or watched show or movie, that made you cheer more for the antagonist rather than the protagonist? I like Loki haha, especially if it's Tom Hiddleston :P
10. What is your favourite thing to do on a Sunday morning? Read in bed, go online..
11. What are some of your favourite ways to cool down or keep cool on hot summer days? AC, fans, drinking something cold..
12. What's the craziest thing you've done for love? Nothing really..
13. When was the last time you had an inspiring conversation? Who was it with? Uhh..someone at the psych ward, I assume
14. If you didn't have any responsibilities for the day, what would you do? I wished I could go online at the ward, I was tired of doing the same things!
15. What was the last fruit you ate? Apples, in apple pie..mmmmm
