glacier_kitty | Shattered

Today I went to lunch with Kathy, and after we're done she was like "I wanted to ask you..has anyone ever told you to say thank you when someone does something nice for you? You never have with me, and it kinda hurt my feelings." I told her that saying thank you is extremely hard for me, not because I don't appreciate it (of course I do!)..it's just one part of my autism I haven't been able to overcome yet (when Nina, who used to be my job coach, and I went to lunch, that subject came up once, and I was like "you know I appreciate it right?" and she said "yes, I can tell by your smile that you are thankful. A lot of my autistic clients are like that"). Kathy was like "that's not an excuse! Someone came up to me once and said that you need to say thank you, since you never do." Wait, what?!? I asked her who had said that and she said "I'm not going to say, it doesn't matter." Then I just started sobbing. She drove me back to work and I just had to hide in my office and cry..I didn't mean to hurt her feelings!! Then I thought of that "someone" who said that behind my back and felt angry and betrayed, like my whole world had just shattered. I've always wondered what people say when I'm not there, and I guess now I know. I haven't felt that depressed in a long time..if you have a problem with me, just come up and talk to me about it! I saw Kathy go into Becky's office..I think she knew that I was hurt and was telling Becky about it. I told Paulette and Denise about it, and they were both very understanding. I know they'll always have my back. <3 Kathy kept trying to talk to me like nothing had even happened, but I was too hurt to talk to her. I had to come home because I was too upset to function properly lol (I took a Xanax and went to bed LOL). I know I need to work on saying thank you, but that was NOT the right way to go about it..it hurts me deeply someone would say that behind my back. I feel better after a nap and writing this, but it still hurts. I think I'll need to talk with Kathy again, when I'm not so upset..I think I hurt her too. :( I'll just have to pick myself up and move on..I know who my true friends are and that means a lot <3

In happier news, I seriously cannot believe it's been a year since I got into polar exploration and Cherry. It was so funny, I was at work and all of a sudden, BAM! I was just sitting there like "CHERRY ANTARCTICA YAY" LOL. Cherry has definitely been an inspiration to me and has helped me through hard times <3

August 13: Beloved

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My very beat up childhood journal named Palmy. There are many years of awesome memories in there (I started it in 2001, and my last entry was 2008, before I left for Alaska!)

August 14: Camera Motion

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I guess?? Haha

August 1: Weeds
August 2: Small Wonders
August 3: Produce
August 4: A Favorite Beverage
August 5: From Behind
August 6: Wander
August 7: In Sync
August 8: Relaxing
August 9: Book Lover's Day
August 10: After a Rain
August 11: All About Me
August 12: Green
August 13: Beloved
August 14: Camera Motion
August 15: Just a Part
August 16: Natural Beauty
August 17: Streaking Light
August 18: Where I Stand
August 19: Summer Color
August 20: A Picture in a Picture
August 21: A Helping Hand
August 22: A Must Have
August 23: Snoozing
August 24: A Story
August 25: Be Still
August 26: Prickly
August 27: What I Believe
August 28: Unaware
August 29: Encounter
August 30: Stone Statue
August 31: Party Animal

Today's trivia: For one dazzling minute each night in Providence, Rhode Island, buildings, boats, nightclubs and folks on the street make the city skyline sparkle by flashing lights on one side of the Providence River. The aim is to brighten the spirits of kids in Hasbro Children’s Hospital, located on the opposite bank (omg this is AMAZING..I heard it on the radio earlier and couldn't wait to share it!)

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Ohmigosh *HUGS* I want to hug you so super tight right now... I am so sorry to hear that Kathy did this. You are right, she did not go about this the right way AT ALL. :( She probably just does not understand at ALL. I am glad that you feel that Denise and Paulette will have your back, and that you know who your true friends are. It's probably good that you gave yourself a mental break and just went home to have some time to yourself.

You are one of the absolute sweetest, most optimistic, and most empathetic people that I have the pleasure of knowing... Don't let what she said eat away at you, because I still think she has a very minimal understanding of who the true "you" really is. <3 <3

Yay for one year!!! That's so incredible!! :D I'm happy to hear that :)

Aww that's so cool about Providence! How lovely :)

You are an amazing friend..I don't know what I would do without you. Thank you (I'm practicing. ;) Hehe) for always being there for me <3

Your first paragraph brought tears to my eyes. I could feel your pain, and -- personally -- I do not believe Kathy handled it well. If she was truly trying to help you, she would not have humiliated you, which is what it felt like to ME that is what she did. This kind of confrontation will not going to encourage you to work it out. Understanding works a whole lot better. Her method could make it even more difficult.

Also ... Kathy did what I think is "triangulation". The person who has the problem should be the one to talk to you. Instead, she intervened for the person who had the issue, and - really - it was not her business to do so.

I am not autistic, but - if truth be known, I think it's not always easy for ANY of us to say "thank you". People say "thank you" all the time, but with little feeling behind the words. I"m not talking about that kind of "gratitude". That's not genuine. But - to say, "Thank you" with feeling and true gratitude requires a certain vulnerability. I sometimes need courage to say "thank you" with genuineness and feeling.

I'm glad you have Paulette and Denise who have your back. Maybe they can help you overcome this difficulty? Maybe you can practice with your mom -- then with another trusted friend(s) before you take it to strangers or people you know less well.

Hang tight -- SHE handled it wrong. It's about HER. Not YOU! That's what you need to know.

Thank you so much <3 (with feeling!! Haha). Yeah, it was rather humiliating. I should definitely get their help with that..I don't want to seem unappreciative and rude!

The thing is - and I forgot to say this... Sometimes actions speak louder than the words. Personally, I'd read your smile as a much more genuine "thank you" than most spoken "thank you's". It's not always about words. Your job coach is right.

*hugs you tightly*

You're one of the sweetest, kindest, most caring people I have ever known. Don't let what she said tell you otherwise.

♥

Thank you so much <3 (I'm practicing! Hehe)

First of, that was very rude of Kathy to say things like that. Second, if someone had an issue with you, then they should have come to you directly and not get Kathy involved AT ALL with the whole things.

From what I know of you by reading your journal, you're a very kind-hearted and passionate person. Don't let anyone bring you down *hugs*

Thank so much <3 *hugs*

*Hugs* From what I read in your journal, you're a very sweet person and you don't do things intentionally to hurt people. I think the way Kathy handled this was wrong. She shouldn't have addressed it while at lunch in a public setting and get pissy when you tried to explain why you don't say thank you. Some people aren't always good with words and sometimes actions matter more. If you look happy and smile by someone's gesture, that's good enough for me.

As for whoever spoke about you behind their back...if they have an issue with you, they should come to you. Kathy shouldn't try to intervene. And to be honest, I get the feeling (since I'm an empath) that she may have claimed someone did that when she was just trying to add more to her justification of why she was mad at you for not saying thank you.

Thanks! I guess we'll just have to smooth things over next time I see her :)

I'm sorry this happened to you. I think Kathy should have been more understanding when you told her it was because of the autism - for me it's not an excuse, but a fact that you're working on. With my disability, I always make sure to tell people about it upfront, just so that there won't be any misunderstandings. People used to think me arrogant just because I didn't react to someone talking to me from across the room and I never ever want this to happen again.

So that's what that was! Your trivia always astounds me. I've been in Providence last year and I did see those lights flickering, but I just assumed it was a power fluctuation, without rhyme or reason.

Thanks! Yeah, now I'm making sure to clearly state I appreciate whatever someone's done for me..I definitely don't want to seem rude!

Wow, that is so cool you actually saw it!! I couldn't wait to share it because it was so heartwarming lol

Shattered

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