Your first paragraph brought tears to my eyes. I could feel your pain, and -- personally -- I do not believe Kathy handled it well. If she was truly trying to help you, she would not have humiliated you, which is what it felt like to ME that is what she did. This kind of confrontation will not going to encourage you to work it out. Understanding works a whole lot better. Her method could make it even more difficult.

Also ... Kathy did what I think is "triangulation". The person who has the problem should be the one to talk to you. Instead, she intervened for the person who had the issue, and - really - it was not her business to do so.

I am not autistic, but - if truth be known, I think it's not always easy for ANY of us to say "thank you". People say "thank you" all the time, but with little feeling behind the words. I"m not talking about that kind of "gratitude". That's not genuine. But - to say, "Thank you" with feeling and true gratitude requires a certain vulnerability. I sometimes need courage to say "thank you" with genuineness and feeling.

I'm glad you have Paulette and Denise who have your back. Maybe they can help you overcome this difficulty? Maybe you can practice with your mom -- then with another trusted friend(s) before you take it to strangers or people you know less well.

Hang tight -- SHE handled it wrong. It's about HER. Not YOU! That's what you need to know.